I've been thinking a lot lately. About music, about trying to become a professional composer. Actually, it's been a longtime dream of mine, working on video games, movies, animations, as a composer - probably one of the thoughts that made me try again and again to improve myself. And now that I begin to have a decent level, decent gear, etc, I am less and less interested in this.
I've been able to work on several projects already - nothing really "professional" yet, some machinimas, some little games, only made by hobbyists who do it only out of passion. Eventually, some of these projects grew, and more and more, I felt working with them - or working with people, generally - was becoming "industrial" in some way. This made me wonder how the professional music industry works - if it's a matter of quantity instead of quality, I'd happily give up that mad dream I had. For one single reason.
I don't want my music to become industrial. I don't wan't to be restrained by things like productivity or deadlines, neither I want to stick to a project for years, doing the same thing again and again. I now want to have full creative freedom, to be able to express what I want to, without having to rush it because "we already announced the release date" or other similar reasons. And lately, music wasn't a hobby to me anymore - just another woadload I was bored carrying. Probably I just need a change of scenery, probably staying on the same projects for a long time didn't help, but I don't even want to work on collaborative projects, at least for now. I only want to make music I like.
By the way, I am especially grateful to everyone who contributed in some way to the Newgrounds Underdogs Contest or to the Summoner Of Sounds challenges at rpgmaker.net, because this is where I learned to enjoy making music again. And, of course, I am not blaming the people I've been working with. They're great, I probably just need to go back to the good old time when I had no obligations.
Did anyone felt this way before ? I actually don't know if it's because working on projects is not for me at all, or if it's because I spent like two years working on the same project and can't bear it anymore. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments ;)
LucidShadowDreamer
I know exactly how you feel :)
It's a personal choice that you have to make. It is also possible to find a balance between making something for the love of it, or making it for the money etc.
The optimal thing, I'd say, is if you get to work on a project that you really honestly like, and with a person who gives enough freedom to you and your music. And not only that, but a project that isn't in a hurry to be released, meaning you need not stress about getting the tracks done in time :p
But also, there is indeed nothing that obligates you to collaborate or work on/for projects. I know for sure that it's great to actually make music, just for the sake of making music :D
Do your thing ;)
Ylmir (Updated )
Thanks for your comment !
Of course, being able to do something you like and making a living from it is the best thing that can probably happen. Truth is, finding what I really want is not that easy. I used to be satisfied working with the teams I was working with, but now, I'm not sure.
...Well, actually, the more I think about it, the more it seems to be because I've had enough of the projects I was working on. Thinking too much about something is not always good, and here, I'm really talking about years - literally. And I didn't find the courage to say goodbye to them because these two projects were probably the first two important projects I worked on, and two projects that I want to see become successful. At least, I don't let them without nothing - I've been able to form a small team before leaving, so they aren't left without resources, and I warned them a year ago I'd probably be less and less active in the team.
I still have to finish some work for them, but after that, I'll probably stop taking commissions for some time. Oh, and I also have two or three tracks to compose for another team, but it's in a very different style and I won't have to worry about creative freedom, so I'll be able to know whether it's because of some kind of lassitude on my old projects, or if it's because I don't want to work on projects anymore. So I guess I'll have the answer to all my questions in about 1-2 months, when I'll be done with all that stuff.
...I guess I really like learning through experimentation. xD
Anyway, I probably won't stop making music. I may have long breaks sometimes (when my studies are becoming a bit too time consuming :D), but I don't think I'll ever be able to stop making music completely. That thing should be considered as a drug. x)